The hall was quiet until she heard an eerie sound from behind door 1138. It sounded like a woman whimpering and begging for her life. It was late at night and she had to run back to the school to grab a book she had left in her locker. She tiptoed up to the door to make she was not just hear things. She then notices the door was slightly ajar. Before she got a good look in the cracked door she heard a loud SMACK! She hunkered down as if someone had seen her. Then she heard again and this time she heard the woman’s voice. She was begging for someone to not do it. The woman’s voice was high and squeaky similar to her biology teacher, Ms. Brown’s. She finally built up enough courage to take a look through door. There was a tall man about six feet four inches tall. He had a long scruffy beard and was carrying a gun. Ms. Brown was in serious trouble and she knew that. She quickly took her phone out of her bag and called 911. The operator’s voice came on speaker! Oh no! she tries to whispers that her teachers was being hurt by a man at the school when she hears the door’s high shrieking sound of it opening. He grabbed for my hand I screamed! He drags me into the room with Ms. Brown. He pulled me over to sit right next to her and he pointed the gun at my face and said “Boom.” Then she woke up.
Oh my god I was really getting into this story until the ending. haha. I don't like endings like that. I must say though this is a really good story, you are really good with describing things. I would never thought to use the word whimpering, i would have used something more generic. That is good that you are creative and able to write like this. What are you going to school for again? I think you would be really good at being a writer of some sort. I wish I could make up a story like this of the top of my head. I think what you wrote is very good and you should consider a career with writing.
ReplyDeleteThat is an amazing story! It made me want to continue to read what you were writing! You are a very creative writer and very good at writing stories! This story kept me very interested in it and did not bore me at all. I thought it was pretty neat when you talked about when the speaker came on when she called 911 it made it more interesting to want more of the story. I also thought it was creepy but yet neat when you said he grabbed her hand and shot her in the face. That part made me for sure want more of the story! i agree with alyssa you should think about becoming a writer! (:
ReplyDeleteWow, Thank you ladies so much for making me feel pretty darn good about myself! I really had tried to conjure up a good story so for the ten minutes we were given i was trying ramble as much as i could to get to a good finish...but Prof. Piro told us to finish it up, and i was obviously at the climax of my story so there was no way for me to just quickly write a conclusion, so i did the only thing i could possibly think of that could end any story with five simple words..."and then i woke up." I completely agree with you Alyssa! I cannot stand endings like that, but I was in a pickle! I love to write, but I only enjoy writing about things that I want to write about. I hate writing assignments because they aren't at all intriguing to me. I find that blogging about anything i want is fun because you can create anything you want. Sounds somewhat nerdy, trust me. My proof is that i keep a thesaurus at the end of my bed for when i want a new word to describe something. I have always loved trying to find new ways of describing what is going on inside of this eccentric brain of mine.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually going into Dental Hygiene. It has always been an obsession of mine to go to the dentist and get my pearly whites checked out and cleaned! Writing is just a hobby of mine, but thank you both for your super nice comments! I appreciated it very much! It is always nice to hear that you have done a good job so, again, thank you! :)